A Review of "Tarzan: The Wonder Car"

I have been accused by a number of my friends of writing blog entries which are too lengthy to read. I hope this entry satiate those who advocated short-and-sweet entries. This review was written by me and Gel for Narmada Hostel's creative writing entry and markedly reminds me of those long Saarang nights which I spent writing for the newsletter.

Movie Review- “Tarzan-the wonder car”

While most of the ardent movie goers would have loitered outside the theater and patiently waited for the movie to end, the made-of-titanium movie reporter sat through the entire length of the screening.

Tarzan-the wonder car, the name itself is sufficient to repel any sane person above the age of 6. And the movie totally justifies the name and its appeal by featuring Tarzan, the wonder car in the lead role aptly supported by Ayesha Takia and Ayesha Takia’s on-screen boyfriend, whose name we fail to recollect and like his role, is not important anyway.

The movie starts with Ajay Devgan, a mechanic working in Kartar Singh’s garage coming up with a brilliant and highly sophisticated car .The car being brilliant and sophisticated, predictably, becomes the sole aim of the villain of the movie who shall be referred to as Ayesha Takia’s dad hereafter. The fact that Ayesha Takia’s dad killed Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend’s dad who happens to be Ajay Devgan, thus restricting his role in the movie to a mere 15 minutes goes on to show that at least one member in the cast had read the script before signing up.

Twelve years later, his son, Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend, who has grown up to become a nerdy mechanic much like his father, rebuilds the car which the bad guys conveniently forgot to steal after Ajay was murdered. The next half an hour is devoted to the portrayal of the metamorphosis of the car from junkyard scrap to an enviable and elegant machine armed with every thinkable functionality under the sun, except for dancing around with Ayesha Takia, which sources confirm, was reserved for Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend on his special request. A minor subplot depicts the transformation of Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend from a nerdy and anorexic nobody into a wanna-be-cool dude nobody. After that comes the crux of the movie which very tersely put is Ayesha Takia with her flashy attires(or the lack thereof), scintillating dance moves, alluring expressions and her boyfriend dancing around in exotic European locales to Himesh powered music while the wonder car powered by the spirit goes on a rampage murdering and exhorting the unsuspecting villains in all possible ways a car can murder a human being and more.

The only interesting feature, apart from Ayesh Takia of course, is the appreciation of Darwinian theory showed by the director when he portrayed Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend chasing around Ayesha’s skirts and his departed father’s spirit going after her father’s ass at the same time, thus, proving that the off springs had actually inherited their parent’s primeval instincts and traits!!

The movie was unstructured and illogical to such an extent that when a nalli saree advertisement was mistakenly aired in the midst of the screening, the only thing that stopped us from believing that it was a part of the movie was the absence of a nasal tinge, so characteristic of Himesh numbers, in the jingle of the advertisement. If a reader feels that instead of being constructive, our criticism is nothing but blatant abuse, we would like to defend ourselves by stating that “There is nothing wrong with the script that can be undone without completely changing the script all together."

Coming to the acting, there wasn’t much to comment on. Except of course, you guessed it right…Ayesha Takia. All in all, the only people who could’ve possibly enjoyed the movie were Ayesha Takia’s boyfriend and her father in that order.

Enumerating four unique features of the movie:

1) This movie can be placed under multiple genres simultaneously. Horror, Sci-fi, drama, action, romance, comedy, b-grade. You name it, they have it

2) The censor board is recommended to bring out a new rating category U.S or “Under Six” to accommodate this kind of movies

3) The script writer, if there is one, provided us with a unique solution to reduce our dependence on non-renewable sources of energy . All we have to do to save earth from power-crisis is to kill people and allow their spirits to power the automobiles instead of petrol.

4) Ayesha Takia